Just some thoughts…

Recently, I read a very good post on this wonderful blog. Its the author of that great mother book, “A Mother’s Book of Secrets”. At a motherhood retreat, she learned that the major source of depression for women comes from reading blogs. Reason why, we tend to see all the positive posts that people write, and that’s it, which makes for easy comparison of ourselves to others, and feeling like a total failure.

Which made me think about my blog here. I like to write about the fun stuff, but truthfully, not everyday is fun. A lot of real life is happening here. I sometimes feel bad for opening up and writing about the hard times with the kids, not wanting to be negative. Yet, I like opening up and sharing my thoughts with you dear friends and family, hoping to be of some help to others, and finding strength from your kind words.

Its been a straight week of Ethan hitting, throwing stuff, yelling, and being rough with Kevin. This usually happens when he loses his patience. (patience? What patience!) I’m trying to figure out the best method of discipling with love. Time outs and standing in the corner don’t do jack. Today, I prayed so hard in the morning that maybe this week would be different. Alas, no. I packed the kids up with snacks, drinks, and sun block, and took them to our favorite water park. I try to get Ethan out of the house as much as possible, because after 1pm, there’s no going out. Its 112, its just too hot. Thus, cabin fever ensues.

We had a good time at the park, and played around shopping at Costco. I took the cart over to the TVs, and we watched the surfer dude surfing the waves. It looked so cool on all the big screens, and the boys were loving it. We ate the free samples to our hearts delight, and made it home. Yet, it was another hard day of Ethan’s toddler stages, dropping stuff on Kevin’s head, throwing everything, pooping a bucket load in his underwear. I simply had no more strength to try to teach him to do better. I sat in the hallway with the boys, and cried. I guess I was just so tired that I couldn’t do anything but cry. Lady came over and put her head in my lap. The boys clung all over me, while I was blubbering. Ethan told me to not cry. I mustered the strength to say a prayer with them, always a good thing, right? :)

I’ve heard that Ethan’s behavior is a normal part of being a three year old boy. I felt guilty for being such a baby, because I know of so many dear people out there who have it so much harder than me. Some moms have to work. Some have more kids and I’m sure, more work to do. I am blessed to be home with the boys each day, and figure out how to maintain peace in the home. Some days (weeks) are just hard, that’s all.

I find that when the rain is pouring, its so important to look for the sun bursting through the clouds, or you can easily drown in a pool of negativity. That’s not what we want to do. We came here to earth shouting in anticipation. Each day we have, each breath we take, is a true gift from our loving Heavenly Father. Right now, I am striving to look back on this day so far, and count all the good things. Ethan enjoyed washing dishes, Kevin is always smiling, Sierra didn’t snatch any food off the counter (another huge patience test!), Ethan at least goes tinkle in the toilet, and more.

I’m so sorry for the lack of flowers and cupcakes atmosphere in this post:) but I have another chance to do better at mothering this afternoon, when the boys get up from quiet time. If I can just slow down, and not worry about the little things, the dishes and house, but focus on helping and loving my little men, I think I will be getting somewhere. Thank you for reading my ramblings. I love reading all your blogs, when I get the chance:)